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Completed Commissions

The primary fandom I write in is BTS, but am open to others if I am familiar with them or mix/matching fandoms.There's a lot a will write, but what I won't is pretty strict. No Non/Dub-Con, underage, incest, or rape. Kinks (as in all other ways) are negotiable.Payment: Accepted via Zelle or Paypal. Half due upon agreement of commission, and the other half will be due upon completion. Tips are always welcome if you like your story.Questions? Need clarification? Contact me via my DMs or the contact form below.

500 AO3 User Subscribers Giveaway

Contest Closes: 7/16/2023, 11:59pm

Follow my twitter to enter. Entry tweet here. Patreon Members who enter get a second chance to win!Things I Will Write
SFW or NSFW, BTS-fandom, BTS mixed with another fandom if I'm familiar with it, a/b/o, magic, fluff, smut, angst...Seriously, if you've read my stuff it's kind of all over the place.Things I Won't Write/Beta
Non/Dub-Con, Incest, Underage sex, Omorashi, Scat-play, abusive relationships, and will negotiate anything else that comes up against my hard limits.

Health Updates

I'm going to use this space as place to give mini updates about how my health has been going. Content warnings: cancer, surgery, talk of female anatomy.

December 1, 2021UPDATEI visited my surgeon this week. He told me, once again, that my lymph nodes came back clean. He took a look at my incisions and said they looked good. So, everything is going well on that front.I asked him about this numbness I've been experiencing in my right thigh. He said that's probably due to the lymph nodes and should slowly fade, but can last up to 6 months. Oh, joy. Other than that, I have about two weeks of recovery to go and I'm taking it easy to make sure I'm as healed as possible before going back to life as normal.Thank you everyone for your well wishes and going on me with this journey. I don't have to see my surgeon again until May. Whoo hoo!

November 12, 2021UPDATEIt's been a week since my second procedure. They used the previous incisions from my hysterectomy (plus one more) to go back in and remove my lymph nodes.The surgery itself went well, or so I was told. I woke up in recovery in tears from pain. The nurse said I'd only been there for minutes before I woke up crying. They gave me enough pain meds to get my pain back down, and then another nurse came to relieve the first for their lunch.Second nurse gave me jello, juice, and pain meds. Then got me out of bed to walk across the entire ward (without a face mask) to use the bathroom. While I was there, I got sick. "Don't throw up" she said right before I did, losing the pain meds she'd just given me. Then I was sobbing, which she also told me to stop. She walked me back to my bed, had me get dressed, and rolled me out of the hospital.I was sick twice more in the car on the way home. Then sick again at home. I was miserable that first day because I couldn't keep anything down, so I couldn't take my pain meds.I called an advice nurse and got some suggestions for how to manage my upset stomach and finally managed to eat something.It's been a week. The pain feels somewhat worse than my first procedure, but I kind of feel like it's because of the poor first day I had. I'm finally well enough to try to sit at a computer - which is why I'm writing this update.I did get a call from the surgeon yesterday. My lymph nodes came back clean: no sign the cancer has spread. Hopefully I won't have to go through this again. My follow up with the surgeon is Nov. 29. Not sure I'll have much more to report until then.Thank you to everyone for their well wishes.

November 4, 2021UPDATEI got a call from the hospital last night. They've scheduled my procedure for 10 am on Nov 5th. I'm pretty glad. I was worried when I wasn't going to get the time until a day or so before that my procedure would be later in the evening.I'm glad my sister (once again) said she would take the day off to be my ride. Despite having to go back into the hospital, I'm looking forward to spending time with her. Hopefully I'll be in and out sooner - this is supposedly a less invasive procedure.I have to be at the hospital at 8 am, so my sister is shooting to be at my house by 7 am. I'm trying to take into account for traffic since it'll be peak commuter time.I feel like I haven't prepped as well beforehand for this procedure as I did for the hysterectomy. Hopefully this will be the last time I have to do this (at least for a very long time).I'll probably be online via my phone as soon as tomorrow night, but I'll be gone all morning.See everyone on the other side!

November 2, 2021UPDATESo, my surgery is on the 5th. I went to bed last night and had an immediate panic attack. I haven't gotten a letter from my insurance authorizing this new procedure yet. I could just picture going in for this and getting a bill for it after the fact. That scared the living daylights out of me. I cannot afford to pay for a hospital visit like this out of pocket.So this morning I found my authorization for the hysterectomy and called the authorizations department. I'm currently waiting for a call back.UPDATE #2
I got a call back from the authorizations department. They don't have a request from the surgeon's office. So now I'm trying to call the surgeon's office.Update #3
I called the surgeon's office again after I couldn't get through. I called like 3 times. Finally someone answered the phone. They transferred me to the woman in charge of surgeries, where I left yet another message. This is stressing me the f*ck out.Update #4
THANK THE GODs! I heard back from the surgeon's office. Turns out the procedure I'm having DOESN'T REQUIRE AUTHORIZATION!Well, that was an unwelcome bundle of stress all morning.

October 27, 2021UPDATEGot the call to schedule my pre-surgery COVID test. I'm going in the Wednesday before, but this time I'm going through a drive thru? That should be, um, interesting.I knew this was coming, but now the surgery feels a lot closer than it has. I feel like I've kind of been disconnected from this upcoming surgery. Like, I know what I'm in for since I just went through it, but this reminder kind of brought that feeling of "I don't want to do this." I had that feeling a lot during my hysterectomy, but I know this is better option. Doesn't stop these silly thoughts. I feel it's better to acknowledge those feelings rather than trying to deny they are there.May not have much more to report before then, but we'll see.

October 8, 2021UPDATEGot ahold of the nurse in my surgeon's office. I've officially scheduled my lymph node removal surgery for Nov 5.I'd told myself when I started this journey I'd do anything I could to prevent the growth and spread of the cancer. This is the next step to help ensure that it can't spread into my lymphatic system. Because once it has, surgery is no longer the treatment.My sister has already said she'd request the day off and that makes me feel a lot better. I was afraid, which is dumb, that it'd be too much. She didn't even hesitate to say yes. I love her so much. I just wish my mom were closer.

September 23, 2021UPDATEJust had an appointment with my primary care physician. I haven't seen him since the end of June when he did my pap smear that got me started on this whole cancer journey. Originally I was supposed to come back in three months to get some blood work done and look at my weight/cholesterol. Well, guess what? A lot happened since then.First up was the 2nd most hated part of any doctor's visit: getting weighed. Then the 1st most hated: blood pressure. My blood pressure was pretty okay and when the nurse looked at my chart she told me I've lost 10 lbs since the last time I was weighed by someone in July."Have you been working out?" she asked."Nope," I replied. "I mean, I did for the first 5 or so weeks, but then I went on a vacation. Then the air was so bad I couldn't be outside. Then I got diagnosed with cancer and had surgery. So I've been laying around for the last 4 weeks.""Oh," she said."We had a nice chat, despite that awkward exchange. She apparently had a similar experience where 10 lbs kind of just disappeared between one check and the next. It happens.Anyway, the doctor came in and I updated him as to what I've been doing since the last time we met. He then updated my chart. I told him how my surgeon wanted to remove the lymph nodes but I wasn't sure about it. He told me if I were his sister, he'd recommend I have the surgery. It's much less invasive than what I just went through. If the cancer has moved to the lymph nodes and spreads through my system, treatment is going to be very different. No one said it, but I'm pretty sure that means chemotherapy and radiation. By comparison, surgery doesn't seem so bad. I still don't want to do it, but it was kind of what I needed to hear.I am still going to go back to my surgeon to ask for clarification: how many nodes are you looking to remove? If it's just a few, that limits the amount of side effects. I talked to my doctor about it and as long as they just do a biopsy-type of deal it shouldn't really effect my system as a whole.So, yes. At this point I'm more likely to agree to the surgery. I'm planning on waiting until end of October at earliest to have it done though. Wouldn't it be nice to have all my surgeries and recovery over before the end of the year?

September 16, 2021UPDATEHad a follow up with my surgeon today. I'm healing well and my incisions look good. All positives.Time for the negatives. We talked about the results of the pathology. The tumor they removed was 3.8mm. The way the surgeon explained it to me was this: anything below 3mm is stage 1A1. Anything 3-5mm is stage 1A2. This increases the chances of the cancer in the lymph nodes up to 5%.So, what are my choices? The most secure thing to do is go in and remove the lymph nodes. This is another surgery that they can do after I've had a few more weeks of recovery. Of course, removing the lymph nodes has it's own side effects: lymphedema being one of them.On the other hand, I could choose not to have the second surgery and instead go in for regular CT scans. The chances are very low there's anything there, but if there is and they catch it later that greatly reduces the chances of being able to treat it effectively.I'd gone into this with the mind set of "do whatever you need to do to nip this thing in the bud," but I'm really not in love with the idea of having surgery again.The surgery is about an hour long and they will probably even use the same incisions they used for the hysterectomy, maybe an additional one. Recovery will be very similar to what I'm going through now. I know I'm actually doing pretty well, but I don't know if I really want to go through this entire thing again so soon.I haven't made a decision yet. I'm going to talk to a doctor friend, do some research, and maybe ask some more questions. I'm leaning towards having the surgery because fuck cancer, but I really want to know that this isn't just surgery for the sake of having another surgery.And that's where I'm at.

September 9, 2021UPDATEGot a call from my surgeon today, which kind of surprised me. I have a follow up appointment with him next week on the 16th.Turns out he got my pathology back. He says he removed "a small cancer". There's a very small chance (1%-4%) that the lymph nodes could be involved, but we'll discuss what to do at my follow up next week. He's already suggesting not to do anything and just keep an eye on it.Honestly? I'm kind of relieved. I was worried they were going to pull out my uterus and find it riddled with cancer. This just goes to prove they caught it early and also why I didn't have any actual symptoms. I'll talk to him next week about what the options are for moving forward.

August 31, 2021UPDATEI had my surgery August 27. I was scheduled to be at the hospital at 10:30 am, so my sister was gong to get to my place at 9ish to drive over there. So, imagine my surprise when my doorbell rang at 8:15 am. She was so worried about being late, she was super early. We then left around 9 and got to the hospital before 10. We sat in the car until 10 and were still able to get into the surgical waiting room by 10:12am.I got into my surgery on time (12:30pm) and was actually out of the hospital by 4:15pm. My sister agreed to drive by Walgreens on the way home to pick my meds, but that was kind of a cluster fuck. I wasn't doing great, and after over an hour waiting in the drive thru lane still went home without any meds. She dropped me off and turned right back around. She finally brought me at least my pain meds before finally going home herself. My other roommate had to go back out and get me some gas medicine and stool softener, but everything was eventually procured.The first 24-36 hours were the worst. It was like the worst period cramps I've had that just wouldn't stop. By Monday I stopped taking my pain meds and was feeling pretty good as long as I took it easy.Today, Tuesday, I got my follow up appointment for Sept. I feel really good, but am being cautious and careful in order to take care of myself. I don't want to inhibit my ability to heal at all. My ability to concentrate is still kind of shot so I'm trying not to jump back into work too fast.I just wanted to give everyone a heads up and say thank you to everyone that has been sending their well wishes. I greatly appreciate it.

August 25, 2021UPDATEHad my COVID test this morning. I was there for less than ten minutes and the results where in my chart by the time I got home. Good news (and no surprise): I am negative. So now I can't go anywhere until my surgery on Friday, but at least it's happening. I've been scared of anything that could jeopardize this going forward. I just want it all over with.Today I'm doing laundry. Tomorrow I'm washing my sheets, re-making my bed, and getting my room in order so that when I come home from the hospital I can just fall into bed.

August 24, 2021UPDATEGot my COVID test scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning. This effectively nixes all other plans I could have had for the rest of the week since I'll likely have to quarantine afterwards.Things are getting harder to cope with the closer the surgery gets. I get easily flustered and frustrated. My concentration is pretty shot. I've already been crying like a baby any time someone says something nice and encouraging to me. I can't wait for this to be over.Got a very lovely Suga shirt in the mail yesterday from the funds everyone has raised to get me things. I super appreciate how generous everyone has been. Thank you to everyone. I've never felt more connected to a community than I do this one.

August 20, 2021About this time next week I should be coming out of surgery. I still have a lot of confusing feelings about it. Overall, I'm not that scared, because this isn't my first organ removal. It still feels very definitive. Losing a kidney as a child did not profoundly change my life in anyway. Hell, I still had two left.Saw some hysterectomy throw pillows that said "I'm here to cancel my monthly subscription" that I thought were funny, though. Would have been a funny shirt to wear to the surgery, haha. I know that this is the best decision for me. I'm 37, not even close to being in any kind of serious relationship, and not planning on having children anyway. Still, what was once a choice will no longer be an option.Will it make it harder to find a partner in the future? I hope not, especially since I was never looking for someone to have kids with. At least, not carry them myself. I love children, but that is not something I ever wanted to do. If I find someone who already has kids, that's almost like a bonus. Or a partner who wants to bear the children themselves, even better. There are so many options.My ineptitude to find a romantic partner isn't really the point of this blog, but I have thought about how this may affect dating in the future. How soon should something like infertility be mentioned? I've had this talk with a few other people and the general consensus seems to be "it's not a first date topic, but maybe after a few."There's another, smaller fear floating around in the back of my head. The type of cancer I have is not easy to determine its spread until surgery. What if they go in there and it's worse than they thought? Hopefully it'll still be contained to what they are going to remove anyway, but there's still a lot of "what if" floating around in the back of my mind. I'm not trying to borrow trouble, but I'd rather think about it than be caught unawares.So, here are my latest thoughts on what's been going on. I don't know if I'll have too much more to share before the surgery, but you never know. Some new fear or insecurity may pop up at a moment's notice.Let's end this entry on a high note: I've continued to get wonderful gifts and well wishes from people. I will always remember people's kindness and caring during this time. I only hope I'll be able to pay it forward in the future and offer someone else the kind of love and comfort that others have shown me. Thank you again, everyone.

August 13, 2021Not everyone may know this, but I work as a freelancer. It has a lot of freedoms: ability to take or leave work as I want, create my own schedule, and work from wherever I am.On the downside: if I don't work, I don't get paid. With this new development, I was a little worried. I have some savings, but I didn't want to plow through all of it. And, with my insurance, at least all of my procedures are being covered. But, I still was going to be down for at least a week and not be working.Well, I emailed my two clients to keep them apprised of the situation so they can expect when I won't be available to do my tasks. They both emailed me back and told me to go ahead and bill them my full work hours, regardless of if I work or how little I work, for the first two weeks after my surgery. They are not under any obligation to do this for me, they are both willing to do this for me. One said it's the least she could do. The other said I should be focusing on my health at a time like this.I feel so incredibly lucky to have surrounded myself with people like these clients, like my friends who are willing to come out and help me, with this online community that has continued to show support. I've always felt like: whatever energy you put out in the universe, the universe will give back to you. I've tried really hard to just be a positive person and put out good energy, and it feels like the universe has saved up giving me that positivity back at the point I really, really needed it.Thank you, again, everyone.

August 12, 2021Just finished my ultrasounds. Was pretty painless compared to everything I've been through up to this point. The techs were nice and laughed at my jokes (because humor is a defense mechanism, and my dad was a big goofball).Tech: Placing the wand for the intervag ultrasound. Does this feel like it's in the right spot?
Me: Yeah, I guess? I don't know... it's been a while.Good news, she was in the right spot.

August 12, 2021UPDATEI just got my surgery time from the hospital.I'll be having my surgery at 12:30 pm pacific time on August 27, 2021.I've been in contact with my sister to arrange my ride. She'll be able to go in with me and stay to see me after my surgery, but the nurse says I'm likely to have to stay overnight.It's funny, because the first email they sent said "Arrive: 12:30pm, Surgery: 2:30pm." Then they sent me an update that said: "Arrive: 10:30pm, Surgery: 12:30pm." So I wrote the nurse back to ask for clarification, because that seemed wrong. It did mean to say 10:30am. Phew! That'll make fasting a LOT easier.

August 12, 2021Not really an update. Just a little about my thoughts before going in for my ultrasound today.I haven't had an ultrasound since I was a child, and I don't believe I've ever had an intravag ultrasound. I know this is a common thing for pregnant women nowadays (my sister has talked about it), but I've never been pregnant. I'm a little uneasy about it, but I know it's due to my own personal history.When I was in kindergarten, I had a 3rd kidney removed because it was sick and killing off the healthy ones. When they realized something was wrong because there was blood in my urine I had to have a whole battery of tests. As a 5 year old, it was really scary. People were poking and prodding me in ways I've never been touched before and I didn't understand what was happening. I know I got a catheter, but as a child it was painful and scary. It's part of the reason I still cry during just pelvic exams because it brings back memories of that time in my life.So, I expect I'll be crying during my ultrasound today. At the same time, it makes me a little less nervous about having surgery in general. I've done it before, even if it was a long time ago and was really scary then. At least now I understand what is happening and am hoping that will help me feel more in control as things move forward.What I need to focus on now is drinking 32 oz of water an hour before the appointment and keeping it to myself. sigh This will truly be a test of my fortitude. Then I'll treat myself to kimbap from Korean Market down the street.

August 11, 2021UPDATEI have the official date for my surgery: August 27, 2021. I don't know the time yet, but this is something I can work with. I'm now able to plan around this date. I also know what things I'm going to have to cancel, but everyone has been super understanding.Things I need to do before surgery:
~finish first pass of Book of Min Zine piece (totally possible)
~get a head of scheduling social media posts for clients for the two weeks after surgery just in case I'm still down.
~Wash and change bedding
~Arrange bedroom in a way that I have easy access to all the things I'm going to want: chargers, game console, TV remotes, etc.
~proof and draft what I have written so I can post with a few easy button clicks on my phoneI'm sure there's more, but already it feels like my life can kind of start being planned again.

August 10, 2021I got diagnosed with cervical cancer on July 29, 2021, but first a little history.I had my first abnormal pap smear back in 2016. From 2016 - 2017 I had three LEEP procedures where they go in and burn away a part of your cervix in an effort to get rid of the abnormal cells. As of the end of 2017, I was told I had a clean pap smear.In 2019 I moved and did not successfully get my health insurance transferred over. In 2020, at the beginning of the pandemic, they pulled my health insurance. I only just got my health insurance again this year, and so of course my first pap smear I got: abnormal. After a biopsy, they discovered the cancer.Today I had my first meeting with the surgeon. He gave me two options: a cone procedure or hysterectomy.Cone Procedure: They cut out a cone-like shape from the cervix. This does not guarantee full removal of the affected tissues, nor that it can't come back. Given my history of abnormal pap smears, this is not something I want to do EVER again.Hysterectomy: They will remove the cervix, uterus, and fallopian tubes. I didn't realize that ovarian cancer starts in the fallopian tubes, so that's something I learned today. Obviously, this means I'll never be able to have children, but I never really planned on such a thing. I'm happy being an aunt and have never felt any interest in giving birth. So, this option is really the best in my mind. It will prevent the cancer from coming back and I won't have to go through any more of theses procedures.So, I have an appointment on Thursday to get my ultrasound so they know how big my uterus is, and then they'll call and schedule the surgery. They are going to remove it laparoscopically and I expect to be in recovery for 2-6 weeks. I'll update this space when I have more details about when that will be.At this point, I really want to thank everyone who has taken the time to offer me support: kind words, donations to my ko-fi, or random gifts. Especially Allways_Always, who has been an amazing person and helped organize people sending me things. ARMY and this community has been amazing. Thank you to everyone for your past and future support. And for your understanding that, as I go through this, I may not be as active as I normally would be.I'll update this space when I have more information.